I don’t anticipate writing anything remotely funny in this entry so you may just want to bail out now. Basically, I’m checking in with all three of you to let you know what we’ve been up to. I know it’s hard to sleep at night otherwise. Currently, I’m sitting shotgun whilst Goosemankillz69 hurls the van and trailer at an obscene speed towards Denver, Colorado. Usually Goose and I are on the same page as far as music is concerned even though he’s about 22 years my junior but right know he’s listening to some pop punk that would make his two year old sister blush.

A couple of nights ago in Cinci-naughty PBC played their last show with Have Heart and Trapped Under Ice. While we only hung out with those dudes for about a week they certainly will be missed. Jimmy brought this up the other day and it bears repeating. When a couple of bands get together without knowing each other previously, it usually takes about a week to really feel comfortable and well, make a lot of dick jokes. By the time we reached that level with our homeboys, it was time to part ways. Why do they always leave? The women and the boys! It’s because my ass is getting fat, isn’t it?

I didn’t drink too much on this tour since the other two bands are straight edge. Not that they would ever care about that type of thing. It’s just beer wasn’t readily available backstage. There were vegetables, humus, and something called fruit which I can only imagine is worse for you than cigarettes and binge drinking. The positive side of being sober was that I actually remembered most of the shows. You all know I don’t really like to talk about shows or PBC because this blog right here is mostly about my self hate but I’ll try and give a quick recap. Um, well. I believe I talked about the Albany show in my last post and how kids went pretty crazy and I decided to retire from moshing before actually ever moshing. From there was the Montreal show, I think. Getting into Canada wasn’t a problem which is always a relief. Luckily, Canadian officials aren’t yet aware of my plan to kidnap most, if not all, of their beautiful women. This show doesn’t really stick out because I remember the crowd being mostly apathetic to every band that played. What I do remember is the three flights of stairs we had to climb in order to load in and out. This was the first time I actually prayed for death while tasting vomit at the back of my throat. Well, the first time since college.

Toronto was the next day I and this show was a blast. Nearly 500 kids turned out to see me get pretty blackout drunk for the first time on the tour. Wait, maybe all those kids came to see Have Heart, PBC, and Trapped, I’m still trying to confirm. Fuck, I lied before. I don’t remember any of the other shows either due to booze, old age, Alzheimer’s. Possibly all three. What I can tell you is that the show in Indianapolis was pretty fun because we actually played that same venue earlier in the year. For that show, about five kids actually turned out. This time around there was over 200. Keep paying our bills, Have Heart! Cinci-nasty comes to mind mostly because the stage was actually a wrestling ring. The ropes weren’t up but you get the idea. Also, the ratio of tattooed face individuals to non faced tattooed individuals was shockingly high. I’m not judging, fuck, I have a tattoo of a flame on my body. A green flame. Ask any of my friends, they make fun of me on the daily. Thanks for that idea, Sarah!

So I’m here at the Denver show now behind the merch table ignoring potential customers in order to watch Scrubs and sneak in some highly offensive pornography for free. That’s just how I roll. Our good friends in Broadway Calls stopped by since they’re recording their new album at the Blasting Room. Ty from Broadway was nice enough to play some of their new record for me. One song actually contains a line I wrote on this very blog, so keep an eye for it in Sepetmber. If you don’t like Broadway Calls you don’t like catchy rock music and you might hate minorities. There’s a correlation there but I’m too tired to find it.

Last night, we were in Lawrence, Kansas which brought out about 20 kids. Yeah, a bit of a bummer but the beer was free and so was I. And after the show tonight, we begin our drive to Salt Lake City. Apparently, there is a snow storm moving in and the stretch of road we’ll be traveling on is quite treacherous. So if some Cliff Burton type shit happens tonight, please, someone, pay off my student loan debt so my parents don’t have to. Also, tell Polar Bear Club I like the EP better than the full length. So, a couple more days and we arrive in Seattle where PBC start to record their new record for Bridge 9. I’m hanging out for a week and then flying back home to my futon and the crippling depression that only Rochester can bring me. Someone, talk some sense in to me and get me to grad school.

P.S. Do me a favor and check out Triple B Records, thanks!