...at a different website yet again. http://www.bluntmag.com.au/
I'll post it here as well in a few days. They left out all my hyperlinks but they're Australian criminals so they cannot be faulted. Thanks to Kelly and for everyone for reading.
Ah, fuck it, I'm posting it now.
Here we go, kids. My name is Trevor. I don’t know any of you and you certainly don’t want to know me. However, I work for an American band called Polar Bear Club and in light of their upcoming visit to your lawless country, I thought it best we get better acquainted. Well, I’m not actually making the visit in February, I’ll be back home too busy enduring a soulless winter and working a separate job that along with alcoholism and a pack a day cigarette habit will surely acquaint me with an early, much needed grave.
As an icebreaker of sorts, I thought I’d spin together a couple paragraphs about one of our recent trips out. Literally days after spending an entire month on the road with hippie drum circle all stars Strike Anywhere, Polar Bear Club felt it was a good idea to once again climb into our filthy sink hole of a van and head towards the West Coast with some band called Thrice. Nine shows all together, the first starting in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and ending not even two weeks later in Anaheim, California. Sounds pretty wild, right? Well, not actually. If I were to compare this tour to an ex girlfriend, Thrice dates would be Denise. Ah, Denise. On the outside she seemed like a good idea. However, behind closed doors Denise was a complete bore in the sack. In fact, I’ve fucked corpses with more signs of life.
One of the biggest (only) perks of touring with Polar Bear Club is we often tour with bands I’m already a fan of. Such has been the case on dates with Strike Anywhere, Gaslight Anthem, American Steel, and Broadway Calls. This means during downtime, I can always sneak away from my business duties (beer) and sing along to some of my favorite songs. This time around, was a bit different. No offense to the guys in Thrice but I’d never, ever actually listened to the band. I absolutely do not know one song by them. This isn’t an affront to the band itself or any of the members, I just happen to only give a damn about Avail, pain pills, and light beer. At my advanced age, I have no time to add a fourth interest. So since that perk was missing, I had to look to other avenues for fun.
I continue to tour because I love all (some) of the dudes in Polar Bear Club and believe in their music. Like everyone else in our camp, I hoped PBC would draw a significant and dedicated crowd each night. When PBC goes over well, I feel much better about my life choices as well as theirs. There were a total of three bands on this particular package with Polar Bear Club opening up first. Most shows began an hour after door time, which meant PBC was lucky enough to usually play to a packed room. As it turns out, other than a couple of friends, no one was there early to ensure they caught the opening act’s set. It was more a matter of arriving in order to get the best position near the front to catch Thrice. Of course, playing to sold out rooms has its advantages. While most of the faces in the crowd were glazed over with eye lids half shut, one hopes that the name Polar Bear Club will stick in the minds of either the under 18 and close to 30 age demographic that made up each night next time we come to town. Plus, unlike our previous tour, no one fell asleep during a PBC set or texted while sitting on stage as PBC performed. It’s the little things that make life such a delight, kids. Ok, let’s see here. So I don’t know any songs by the headlining band and Polar Bear Club is getting a lukewarm response most nights. No worries, I’ll find a dude in one of the other bands to hang out and get sloppy with. I WILL have fun, like it or not.
With such a short span of tour dates and long drives, for the first time ever, I wasn’t able to really bond with any other tour members. For one, Thrice was on a gigantic tour bus as big as your continent. I don’t bring up the bus as an insult, If I had the option, hell, I’d have two tour busses – one for me and one for my ego. I guess I just missed past tours where all the bands toured in vans and were forced to sit in a common dressing room, like it or not. That way, friendships are forged faster and common interests are shared. Since Thrice spent most of their time on their Death Star sized vehicle, I wasn’t able to really communicate or actually learn anyone’s names. For the first time in my life I actually missed touring with such bands and Ruiner and Crime In Stereo. Both being bands we’ve toured with extensively and shared many a cramped room with. However, those nostalgic moments were fleeting and quickly forgotten when I was able to take a shower backstage without Rob from Ruiner trying to capture dick pics on his cell phone.
With all the bitching I’ve done here, one would think there weren’t any highlights. Or one might think I’m just a complete asshole who likes to hear/read himself complain. While that may be the case I’m quite grateful to all of Thrice’s crew who went out of their way to help us out in all facets. This includes Thrice’s tour manager who absolutely took care of us and treated us like a co-headlining band. Every night we had enough food to keep all of our bellies full and enough beer to keep me drunk enough to not quit PBC and go back to University. We’ve been on bigger tours before and hands down, this is the best we have ever been treated. And that’s really all there is folks. Nothing too shocking, revealing or even excited. But most times, that’s how tour is - like boring sex with my ex girlfriend Denise. The real story of this trip actually began right after our last show with Thrice in California. Immediately, four of the six PBC dudes hopped in the van and drove two days straight back to New York with very little sleep. And if you’ll have me back sometime, I promise gory details of debauchery. Nope, that’s a lie, more boring sex.
