Monday, January 18, 2010
Australian Tour Entry 1
Unfortunately as PBC embarks on it's first Australian tour our trusty, lusty, musty tour manager had to stay behind and protect the home-front. He asked me (jimmy) to fill in the gaps of his beloved blog and provide my perspective on the aforementioned tour and the events that follow. I thought it would be a good idea to provide our happenings via my flip cam (Trevor didn't want the internet to think I was a better writer than him...I am). I'll try my best to update and edit has much as I can and also post the videos on our youtube account. For now I've posted a short segment documenting and mockumenting the first day. Enjoy.
Jimmy/Australia/HJ's
Exciting news! Well, wait, it's neither exciting or news actually. In any event, we all know that it takes me weeks and/or months to update this site and when I do, there's always the eventual feeling of dissapointment when one is done with the entry. You may also be aware that Polar Bear Club is on their way to Australia for a couple of weeks. What you might not know is that they're actually stuck in Los Angeles, California dealing with delayed flights and seperation anxiety from yours truly. I'm not accompanying PBC on this venture which may be the exact reason they're trip has been delayed by at least one day as of right now. A more bitter person might chalk this up to karma for not having me come along but I'd never suggest such awful, awful ideas. That's neither here nor there, cause for the next couple of weeks Jimmy Stadt, lead singer of Polar Bear Club, will be posting up videos and hopefully writing a bit about his adventures on the other side of the world. Enjoy!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
2009 To 2010, One Foot In The Grave
If I were a superhero my extraordinary powers would consist of procrastinating, being late, or just giving up. For instance, it took over six years for me to earn my bachelor's degree when most people conclude in four. Another example, I didn't start fucking for the first (and what feels like the last) time until I turned twenty years old. Nowadays, you kids start with the sex around what, when you're a toddler? Filthy fuck beasts. And as far as giving up, I can't even count the number of jobs I stopped showing up to so I could drink, hang out with a girl, or just masturbate. Where am I going with all of this?
As of this writing the date is January 14th, 2010 and I'm finally rolling out my best of 2009 list. You know like all of those shitty lists you saw on Punknews? Unlike their lists, on mine you won't find the new Tegan And Sara because that shit is unlistenable. I'd rather go back in time and rape my infant self than hear their warbling ever again. (It's ok, I'm an expert on T&S, my sister is a lesbian, it's cool.) While I love the band Cheap Girls, they don't place here because "My Roaring 20's" can't touch "Find Me A Drink Home". American Steel's "Dear Friends And Gentle Hearts" bows out solely because Rory forgot who I was at The Fest and wouldn't give me his phone number. Lastly, The Sweller's latest full length is snubbed because, well, I like chicks. Polar Bear Club? Apparently, it's no longer cool to like that band which is a shame because they put out their best work yet in 2009. In fact, I believe I put "Drifting Thing" on a mix tape or two this year. I just hope that soon Jimmy tells his girlfriend that he wrote that song about me and not her. Either way, they're not further mentioned in this piece because they (sometimes) pay me and I certainly wouldn't want to be biased or one sided.
I really tried to write an actual entry that wasn't gimmicky and another list of things I either love or hate but with Polar Bear Club on break, I have nothing, absolutely zero to write about. I could write about myself but do you really want or need to know that I haven't actually worn pants in about three days? Does it need to be public knowledge that every night after work, I'm so depressed I drink whiskey, alone in my room, until I either pass out or pee myself? YES. YES IT DOES.
But it doesn't. So here is what you get, a list of records I actually enjoyed in 2009. Well, it's a list of records I could make jokes about. Take it or leave it, either way, I'm not putting on pants.
Strike Anywhere - "Iron Front"
I might be in the minority here but I've loved every single Strike Anywhere release, even that last one and uh...the one before that. But sure, I can admit that there was a certain energy lacking as of late. With "Iron Front" everything feels right again except my increasing age especially in regards to songs like "Opposite Number", that one song about oppression, the other one about mean, mean cops and lastly the tune about upping the punx and smashing the state. Sometimes, while playing Modern Warfare 2, a game about murdering foreigners and minorities, I play this record and I know somewhere that Ewok Thomas is smiling.
Defeater - "Lost Ground"
Sure, it's not an actual full length but I haven't taken or passed a math class since the early 90's so who is counting? It's all just space on my Ipod anyway. However, this record accomplishes what every girl in the last seven years has failed at - it gets my dick hard. And speaking of girls and dicks, this record would be ranked higher if Derrick sang about women instead of fictional characters that I don't give a fuck about. I need to hear about shit I can relate to - heartache, mistrust, and gonorrhea. If I want to hear about World War II I'll ask my god damn grandfather. But I can't. Because he's dead. Thanks a fucking lot, Derrick. (Author's note, as I went to publish this entry I've been informed that my grandfather is not dead, I'm just a shitty grandson).
Ruiner - "Hell Is Empty"
Ruiner used to be one of my favorite bands until I actually toured and met them. (To be fair, Rob is really the only asshole. Steve said I looked like Kiff from Futurama so he's dead to me. Dustin fucking rules, their squirrely drummer certainly means well, and other guy is yet to speak to me). No, nothing will ever touch "What Could Possibly Go Right" but this release certainly comes close. Well, a whole hell of a lot closer than "Prepare For A Fitting Album Title" did. For reasons I cannot explain when I listen to this record I feel like
a.)I was born in raised in Pittsburgh
b.)I'm either in a Nine Inch Nails or Tool video
c.) my parents worked in a steel mill all their lives
d.)I hate my previously mentioned parents
e.)I love pro wrestling
All of those add up to a warm fuzzy feeling cause hell, at least I'm not from Baltimore.
Broadway Calls - "Good Views, Bad News"
First off - brutal honesty. I hate the name of this record. Not sure why, it just doesn't grab me by the ass hairs. The name couldn't be more boring unless BC sired the full length "Joe Smith". Also, that one song about Obama or some shit? NO. I don't vote and either should you. Voting is for white people. And soccer moms. However, this is leaps and bounds ahead of their self titled release (especially since there isn't a horn to be found this time round!). Every other song is a pure pop punk gem. The first time I ever met these dudes I hooked up with a hot girl directly following their show. She, like the others, eventually left but Broadway Calls stuck around. Turns out I should have spooned them instead that night. Except, the bassist Matt. He's straight edge. Fuck him.
Shook Ones - "The Unquoteable A.M.H"
Last time Shook Ones came to Rochester, I couldn't go because this girl I used to have sex with was going and we were no longer on speaking terms. I've forgiven Shook Ones for appealing to her and as it turns out, years later I would sex with that same girl in a van. Life is tricky lobster, don't you agree? Shook Ones manage to be catchy and poppy while still coming off aggressive. No, this record isn't as good as "Facetious Folly Feat" but to me, a Shook Ones record is a lot like a blow job. Even if you're not a fan of blow jobs, like me, at the end of the day, hey, it's still a mouth on your penis. Hell, makes sense to me.
Attica! Attica! - "Napalm & Nitrogen"
Aaron from A!A! used to be in a band with Nate and Emmett called Marathon which just so happens to be the best band no one ever gave a fuck about. Marathon got me into touring and along with Aaron are the reasons I'm still stuck in this mess/poor as fuck. One day, I'm going to write about Marathon and what they meant to me, however, that day is not today. Aaron is balder than me so I like to have him around. He's also an inspiration and I recently advised him that when he was done touring, so was I. His latest album is heartfelt, smart and most importantly - funny. No, wait, most importantly it's free. Go to http://www.atticaattica.org/ and offer up a donation if you're feeling snarky.
So there it is, kids. Six records, not the usual ten or twenty you'd expect. Like my senior quote said "I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations". But really, my pornography is done downloading and it's date night with Dr. Three Balls. But for symmetrical purposes, here's my top four records from the greatest punk band of all time, The Bouncing Souls.
1. Anchors Aweigh
2. Maniacal Laughter
3. The Good, The Band, And The Argyle
4. The Gold Record
As of this writing the date is January 14th, 2010 and I'm finally rolling out my best of 2009 list. You know like all of those shitty lists you saw on Punknews? Unlike their lists, on mine you won't find the new Tegan And Sara because that shit is unlistenable. I'd rather go back in time and rape my infant self than hear their warbling ever again. (It's ok, I'm an expert on T&S, my sister is a lesbian, it's cool.) While I love the band Cheap Girls, they don't place here because "My Roaring 20's" can't touch "Find Me A Drink Home". American Steel's "Dear Friends And Gentle Hearts" bows out solely because Rory forgot who I was at The Fest and wouldn't give me his phone number. Lastly, The Sweller's latest full length is snubbed because, well, I like chicks. Polar Bear Club? Apparently, it's no longer cool to like that band which is a shame because they put out their best work yet in 2009. In fact, I believe I put "Drifting Thing" on a mix tape or two this year. I just hope that soon Jimmy tells his girlfriend that he wrote that song about me and not her. Either way, they're not further mentioned in this piece because they (sometimes) pay me and I certainly wouldn't want to be biased or one sided.
I really tried to write an actual entry that wasn't gimmicky and another list of things I either love or hate but with Polar Bear Club on break, I have nothing, absolutely zero to write about. I could write about myself but do you really want or need to know that I haven't actually worn pants in about three days? Does it need to be public knowledge that every night after work, I'm so depressed I drink whiskey, alone in my room, until I either pass out or pee myself? YES. YES IT DOES.
But it doesn't. So here is what you get, a list of records I actually enjoyed in 2009. Well, it's a list of records I could make jokes about. Take it or leave it, either way, I'm not putting on pants.
Strike Anywhere - "Iron Front"
I might be in the minority here but I've loved every single Strike Anywhere release, even that last one and uh...the one before that. But sure, I can admit that there was a certain energy lacking as of late. With "Iron Front" everything feels right again except my increasing age especially in regards to songs like "Opposite Number", that one song about oppression, the other one about mean, mean cops and lastly the tune about upping the punx and smashing the state. Sometimes, while playing Modern Warfare 2, a game about murdering foreigners and minorities, I play this record and I know somewhere that Ewok Thomas is smiling.
Defeater - "Lost Ground"
Sure, it's not an actual full length but I haven't taken or passed a math class since the early 90's so who is counting? It's all just space on my Ipod anyway. However, this record accomplishes what every girl in the last seven years has failed at - it gets my dick hard. And speaking of girls and dicks, this record would be ranked higher if Derrick sang about women instead of fictional characters that I don't give a fuck about. I need to hear about shit I can relate to - heartache, mistrust, and gonorrhea. If I want to hear about World War II I'll ask my god damn grandfather. But I can't. Because he's dead. Thanks a fucking lot, Derrick. (Author's note, as I went to publish this entry I've been informed that my grandfather is not dead, I'm just a shitty grandson).
Ruiner - "Hell Is Empty"
Ruiner used to be one of my favorite bands until I actually toured and met them. (To be fair, Rob is really the only asshole. Steve said I looked like Kiff from Futurama so he's dead to me. Dustin fucking rules, their squirrely drummer certainly means well, and other guy is yet to speak to me). No, nothing will ever touch "What Could Possibly Go Right" but this release certainly comes close. Well, a whole hell of a lot closer than "Prepare For A Fitting Album Title" did. For reasons I cannot explain when I listen to this record I feel like
a.)I was born in raised in Pittsburgh
b.)I'm either in a Nine Inch Nails or Tool video
c.) my parents worked in a steel mill all their lives
d.)I hate my previously mentioned parents
e.)I love pro wrestling
All of those add up to a warm fuzzy feeling cause hell, at least I'm not from Baltimore.
Broadway Calls - "Good Views, Bad News"
First off - brutal honesty. I hate the name of this record. Not sure why, it just doesn't grab me by the ass hairs. The name couldn't be more boring unless BC sired the full length "Joe Smith". Also, that one song about Obama or some shit? NO. I don't vote and either should you. Voting is for white people. And soccer moms. However, this is leaps and bounds ahead of their self titled release (especially since there isn't a horn to be found this time round!). Every other song is a pure pop punk gem. The first time I ever met these dudes I hooked up with a hot girl directly following their show. She, like the others, eventually left but Broadway Calls stuck around. Turns out I should have spooned them instead that night. Except, the bassist Matt. He's straight edge. Fuck him.
Shook Ones - "The Unquoteable A.M.H"
Last time Shook Ones came to Rochester, I couldn't go because this girl I used to have sex with was going and we were no longer on speaking terms. I've forgiven Shook Ones for appealing to her and as it turns out, years later I would sex with that same girl in a van. Life is tricky lobster, don't you agree? Shook Ones manage to be catchy and poppy while still coming off aggressive. No, this record isn't as good as "Facetious Folly Feat" but to me, a Shook Ones record is a lot like a blow job. Even if you're not a fan of blow jobs, like me, at the end of the day, hey, it's still a mouth on your penis. Hell, makes sense to me.
Attica! Attica! - "Napalm & Nitrogen"
Aaron from A!A! used to be in a band with Nate and Emmett called Marathon which just so happens to be the best band no one ever gave a fuck about. Marathon got me into touring and along with Aaron are the reasons I'm still stuck in this mess/poor as fuck. One day, I'm going to write about Marathon and what they meant to me, however, that day is not today. Aaron is balder than me so I like to have him around. He's also an inspiration and I recently advised him that when he was done touring, so was I. His latest album is heartfelt, smart and most importantly - funny. No, wait, most importantly it's free. Go to http://www.atticaattica.org/ and offer up a donation if you're feeling snarky.
So there it is, kids. Six records, not the usual ten or twenty you'd expect. Like my senior quote said "I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone’s expectations". But really, my pornography is done downloading and it's date night with Dr. Three Balls. But for symmetrical purposes, here's my top four records from the greatest punk band of all time, The Bouncing Souls.
1. Anchors Aweigh
2. Maniacal Laughter
3. The Good, The Band, And The Argyle
4. The Gold Record
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